Aerial Yoga – Hanging Out At Uplift Maui

Aerial Yoga – Hanging Out at Uplift Maui

When you go to Maui you expect to “hang ten” if you’re brave enough to surf. Personally, I am not into surfing because I am afraid that the surfboard may knock me out or I become a shark snack. Instead, I hung out at the Uplift Maui studio at Hotel Wailea and took an aerial yoga class. No sharks involved.

No, really. I literally hung out for an hour taking an aerial yoga class taught by the amazing Dre, not to be confused with Dr. Dre. The class was awesome!

I love to be upside down! - GGA — I love to be upside down! – GGA

It’s been a while since I have done anything related to aerial silks or trapeze, two things that I do for “fitness” so I was pretty excited about this class.

If you never heard of aerial yoga, it’s yoga that you do with the help of an aerial sling – think of a hammock or swing that is made of silk. It helps you sort of “defy gravity” and supports you during certain poses. For some beginners, this may actually be impossible to do without help from the sling. Dre refers to the sling as a “dance partner” that you may have to get used to.

Speaking of Dre…

Dre, Andrea a.k.a. Dre, was my first aerial silks instructor who had moved to Maui a couple of years ago to persue her dream of opening her own yoga studio. There was no way I was NOT going to take one of her classes during my visit. Besides, my bikini said it’s time to get back into a fitness routine plus the location for this particular class which was at Hotel Wailea is freakin’ beautiful!

Andrea and CaSandra - GGA — Andrea and CaSandra – GGA

Luckily, I ended up being able to get into her aerial yoga – basic class designed for beginners only because a student had cancelled. Dre’s classes tend to book up pretty quickly!

Dre has always been an amazing teacher. She is very patient with beginners and describes alternatives for those who may be a bit more advanced.

She also has “hawk eyes”. Meaning, if she sees you doing something that might cause you to live out the rest of your days in a wheelchair, she catches it and will quickly correct you. Even after class and you think she’s only paying attention to you while you chat away while others are taking selfies while hanging upside down. She’s always watching – like a hawk.

You can read more about Dre on her website. Girl’s got some creds so you’ll be in good ~~silks~~ hands.

The class – Aerial Yoga Basics

You don’t need any yoga experience to take this class. Dre demonstrates the poses for the class and explains how to get into the sling and all that fun stuff.

We did lunges, planks, things that stretch your back, thighs, hips, your mind – ok maybe not your mind – and even some handstand stuff. I was quite sore the next day and it felt great!

My favorite part was hanging upside down because I was a bat in a former life.

Sometimes your whole body is in the sling and sometimes only partially. Keep in mind that because you are using a sling and you are putting some weight into it, it may feel a little uncomfortable at first.

Aerial Yoga in Maui - GGA — Aerial Yoga in Maui – GGA

Dre will help you adjust if you feel like you are being pinched or it just feels weird. If you plan on doing aerial yoga often, you will get used to the sling like a dance partner who might be stepping on your feet often.

Location – Hotel Wailea – Maui

I am not exaggerating when I say that the location is paradise. Uplift Maui is located in the wellness studio overlooking the pool area and a beautiful view of the ocean at the adult-only Hotel Wailea.

The round shaped room has a very zen, feng shui feel to it and you seriously have to remind yourself that you are “really there”.

Classes are open to the public but if you are a guest of Hotel Wailea you can receive complimentary classes.

Other Classes

While I only had time for one class, Uplift Maui offers more classes and you can view the schedule and book a class here. You can even book a private lesson or semi-private lesson and don’t be afraid to try a a trapeze or aerial silks class! You’ll be hooked! In a good, safe way, of course.

So if you happen to be on your way to Maui for whatever reason – book a class and tell Dre you read my cool blog and I convinced you to take her class!

Aloha, mahalo and namaste!

11 Useful Things Every American Should Know About Brazil

Brazil, the largest country in South America has some of the most beautiful beaches in the world, a diverse mix of cultures, rich, vibrant street art and not to mention tons of island paradises.
Your packed and ready to go and have all the essentials, but what are some of useful things that every American should know about Brazil?

1.Wear flip flops, but leave the Asics at home!

Brazil isn’t like Europe where flip flops are considered a fashion disaster. In Brazil, flip flops are super practical and make sense for longs walks on beaches and hot pavement. Bring your favorite pair, but be sure to buy several pair of Havaianas. A popular Brazilian brand, Havaianas translates to Hawaiians in Portuguese and are considered a household staple much like beans and rice. They are super comfy and there are plenty of colors to match your pedicured toes.

As far as sneakers, people certainly wear them in Brazil but some brands like Asics are super expensive even compared to American standards so it’s best to just leave them at home. Besides, it’s better to save room in your suitcase for flip flops.

2. Cash is not king so use your credit or debit cards, but don’t let them out of sight.

It’s never wise to carry a lot of cash with you and considering that Brazil is a country that widely accepts credit and debit cards, there is no need to carry a lot of cash unless you plan on buying gas or a lot of pastries. Besides, most merchants discourage the use of cash as they prefer not to have too much cash on-site so that they may avoid being a crime target.
However, unlike in the states where you can just give your waiter or waitress your card when you pay your bill, don’t do this in Brazil. Instead, they should bring a mobile credit card processor to your table and process your transaction right in front of you.

3. Leave the jewelry and extra electronics at home next to your Asics.

During the 2016 Olympics in Rio, thieves had a grand old time robbing people of anything in plain sight even in broad day light. Like most countries, robbing people, especially Americans, is a common occurrence. These thieves aren’t always so obvious and even come in swarms of young children who are trained to rob just about anyone for anything. So, don’t be that American who is trying to take pictures with their IPad or is sporting the Beats by Dre headphones. Just leave those at home along with your blingy new engagement ring. Seriously. And on that note, only pull out your smartphone when necessary as those are easily grabbed by any thief whizzing by on their bike.

And if you must bring a laptop, like some of us who must work while traveling, just be sure that when you are finally able to cut the umbilical laptop cord, you tuck it away in a safe place in your hotel or apartment.

4. Don’t be taken for a ride by a taxi airport driver.

Once your exhausted body lands in Brazil, probably Rio De Janeiro (GIG) and you head through customs and gather your luggage, you will be greeted by a mass of people who will ask you if you need a taxi. I know you just want to get to your final destination for that much-needed shower, but don’t give into the temptation.

Instead, walk straight over to the Taxi cooperative stand located right before you exit the airport where you will be able to prepay for your trip. After you provide your destination and receive a ticket, someone will walk you to your cab. Hand your ticket to the driver and you’re all set! By the way, your driver should not turn on their meter as there is no need since you prepaid.
Basically, a cooperative is a group of taxi cab companies who pay for this service.

While this option is a little more expensive, you can be assured that you will not be “taken for a ride” which could happen if you were to ask for a cab by yourself.

By the way, Uber is not allowed at the GIG airport. They can drop you off but you won’t be able to use the service to get picked up. If you want to read a bit more about taxi cabs in Rio, check out this blog post by RioIGo.

5. Learn some key phrases in Portuguese, not Spanish.

Unlike Spanish speakers in Colombia, Brazilians speak Portuguese.
Very few people speak English and if they do, their families either spared the extra expense to send them to private English school or they work in tourism and are probably more than happy to speak with you in your native language. Otherwise, learn some key phrases!

6. Don’t be LOUD!

Every good blog for Americans should remind them that speaking loudly is not only obnoxious, but is great way to be hassled. Unfortunately, there is a stigma that all Americans are rich and in addition to the two types of English speakers mentioned above, there is a third kind which I call the “hassler”.

As soon as they hear English, they will approach you quickly and ask you, “Where are you from?” and regardless of which city or state you tell them, they will probably know the favorite, winning sports team and proceed to give you a high five as if you too are a loyal (insert sports team name here) fan.

Next thing you know they will try to very aggressively sell you something.

7. Use WhatsApp and Facebook Messenger

Whether using it for newfound friends or for keeping in touch with family back home, install and use WhatsApp and Facebook Messenger.
Pretty much everyone uses WhatsApp in Brazil for texting or sharing videos, but Facebook Messenger does seem to prove better quality sound for phone calls. Be prepared to use both especially when WhatsApp randomly gets banned from use in Brazil.

8. No need to leave a tip.

As an American, I always struggle with this one just because it seems rude to not tip your waiter. However, when you see your bill you will notice that there is a 10% service charge added to your total price. If you still want to tip, I am sure they will appreciate your generosity. By the way, you also don’t need to tip your cab driver or hair dresser – if you just so happen to get your haircut while on vacation.

9. Don’t flush toilet paper down the toilet.

This is a super important thing that every American should know about Brazil. Don’t flush it!

Like most of South America’s sewer systems, Brazil’s sewer systems are not designed to handle toilet paper either so don’t flush toilet paper or anything else for that matter down the toilet. Instead, place it in the trash bin that you will find next to the toilet.

10. Wear Sunscreen

Brazilians can easily recognize the gringos by their sun-burnt skin. Nothing can ruin your vacation worse than trying to soothe sunburned skin and besides, you want to collect memories while on vacation, not skin cancer so please wear sunscreen! Most Americans are not used to the blazing Brazilian sun that shines almost daily so be sure to slick up with sunscreen, even on a hazy day.

11. Instead of beach towel, use a “canga”.

Hardly anyone uses a beach towel on the beaches except for a few of the bright, red Americans. Brazilian woman use cangas which are lightweight, cotton blankets that can be used a dress, sarong or wrap, but also as a beach blanket. They come in a million different patterns and dry much faster than a beach towel. Joy and Journey has a great recap about the Brazilian canga so go check it out!

I hope you enjoyed this list of useful things that every American should know about Brazil. If you have a tip you want to share, please email us at triototravel@gmail.com!

14 Signs That Traveling the World is Your Destiny

Travel. Nomadic Life. Wanderer. For some of us, these words spike our endorphin levels to a super, happy high. A sign that traveling the world is your destiny, perhaps an addiction.

Check these 14 signs to see if traveling the world is your destiny.

1. Home always feel temporary.

Your home is more of a storage unit and while it may be nice to return to it every so often, the big, wide open world just feels well…more comfortable than those old pair of slippers tucked under your bed. When you’re home, you spend time planning the next trip and one day you swear you’ll just sell everything you own and travel for as long as you possibly can.

2. You’re a little obsessive over your Passport Book.

If someone were to ask you what your prized possession was, you would quickly answer that it was your passport. It’s beautiful. Every so often you open its precious pages and trace your fingers over the intricate lines of your various passport stamps fondly remembering each customs agent who stamped it. The thought of having to send it off for a Brazilian visa or for renewal causes heart palpitations. If it’s still blank, you dream of filling it. When you use Passport Book -in a sentence, you capitalize the “P” and “B”. It’s just that significant.

3. You have a very large stash of travel sized items.

Tiny tubes of toothpaste (and what you think is toothpaste), hand sanitizer, cute little shampoos, shoe shiners, sunscreen, towelettes – from all different countries in various languages.

You buy them. You collect them. You love them.

You own such a large stash of travel sized items, you would convince a hoarder to have a yard sale. When www.alltravelsizes.com runs out of something, they call you first.

They are like religious icons and sometimes you even make a gift basket out of them for a special friend. But even then, you secretly hope they re-gift back to you.

4. If your significant other doesn’t like to travel, it’s a deal breaker.

If your significant other doesn’t like to travel, they won’t be your significant other for long. It’s true. Having wanderlust is the only disease you want them to have and their desire to travel is more important than if your zodiac signs are compatible. The world is your first spouse, but you’re willing to share it with the right person – which might make you a polygamist or poly amorous. One of them.

5. Travel rewards mean the world to you.

Travel rewards such as points and frequent flyer miles are so important to you that if the The Points Guy told you to drink the Kool-Aid, you would. In a heartbeat (which would soon lead to no heartbeat).

You apply for credit cards just to get the bonus points, you endlessly make your friends sign up for credit cards so you can get referral points and you ask for points instead of birthday money. You get the point.

6. You have Facebook friends from all over the world.

Even Berber friends from Morocco who send you pictures of the Sahara every so often like it’s porn. And sometimes they send porn – not appropriate.

These aren’t random Facebook pen pals, but people you have met (but never touched) while on your many travels whether it was on the train to Paris or sitting in a ~~coffee shop~~ bar in Amsterdam. You can never have enough global friends.

7. You have spent Thanksgiving or some other holiday in another country.

You have spent <insert holiday> in another country. Not just Labor Day, but no holiday is off limits and when Mom expects you home for Christmas meatloaf, you book travel instead. That means more time to add to your vacation days! You rebel. Thankfully, your Mom loves you unconditionally and understands. Besides, you’re pretty sure that being destined (and addicted) to travel is a hereditary gene that perhaps skipped a generation? Either way, you can’t help it. You were born this way and your parents will accept you no matter what.

8. You quit your corporate job to travel more.

Going into an office 5 days a week from 9am – 5pm then having to ask permission to take time-off that you earned just doesn’t fly anymore. So, you quit. You do freelance so you can travel more and start a travel blog. This is a definite sign that you are destined to travel the world.

9. You refuse to pay full price for anything, but you happily pay for Global Entry.

You’re cheap and all your friends make fun of you for only using Groupon or ScoutMob when you go out, but you will happily fork over the money for Global Entry and TSA Precheck. By being a TSA Precheck member you breeze through security lines faster and by enrolling in Global Entry, when you return home to the USA, you whip through customs instead of long re-entry lines. The faster you get home, the faster you can plan your next trip so the extra bucks are worth the time savings even for cheapskates like your friends, Alicia and Michelle.

10. You reference the past by countries, not years.

You don’t reference the past by a year, but by the country you visited. If someone asks you which year your daughter was born, you answer, “Oh, that was the year I fell and got attacked by a bunch of geese in Greece….Dang that hurt.” It’s just how your brain is wired.

11. You can pack “all that” into a carry-on.

You mastered the art of origami at the age of 9 months when your Grandmother found your diapers folded into a swan. Now, you are a master of the KonMari Method and you can pack 3.2 weeks worth of stuff into a carry-on. Even the European blow dryer and flat iron you bought while overseas.

12. You won’t spend 2 minutes trying to figure out anything, but you can operate any washing machine in the world.

Forget trying to learn the latest Windows or a MAC or solve a Sudoku puzzle. You don’t have time or patience for any of that, but you will figure out how to use that washing machine meant for those fluent in hieroglyphics.

Like. A. Boss.

And if you are nowhere near a washing machine? No worries because you know how to wash them using the Aloksak Bag Method.

13. As a child, you preferred National Geographic over Dr. Seuss.

The pictures of the people and the world enclosed between two mustard yellow magazine covers lured you like a snow cone on a sweltering summer day. Dr. Seuss was probably more appropriate for your age, but even then, you knew that those NatGeo pictures were just a keyhole view of your future life.

“It’s opener, out there, in the wide, open air.”
― Dr. Seuss, Oh, The Places You’ll Go!

14. You invest your money into memory banks.

Money isn’t everything to you. You just need enough for the necessities and to get you from Australia to Zimbabwe and then to Iceland. And just maybe a few coins for a laundromat, just in case. It’s not just the destination but the amazing memories that you create by immersing yourself in the unfamiliar. The more you have, the richer you feel. And any extra money you can spare, you donate to help find a cure for Alzheimer’s Disease because it would be shame for this disease to rob you of your wealth.

If you can relate to any of these 14 signs, there is no doubt that you are destined to travel the world.

~ Yours in Travel,

Girls Gone Abroad

A Break Up After Love at First Flight

Love at first flight.

Those who travel can relate. Post travel depression or (PTD). It’s real. We fall in love with the anticipation of a trip, we thrive in the exhilaration of making plans and we feel free once we arrive at our chosen destination. But coming home after spending days or even weeks abroad can trigger post travel depression and is quite difficult and can feel like a break-up after an erotic, tumultuous love affair.

You are probably all too familiar with my story.

We fell in love at first flight.

Your price, your destination and even the allure of free entertainment while I spend 8 hours in your lap is just enough for me to spend hard earned dollars on you.

We were destined to be together. My American culture coiled with the foreign one you offer. Weeks were spent planning our moments together. The things we would do, the people we would meet, the sounds of your native language that I would attempt to speak with my untrained tongue and most of all the lasting memories we would create.

I arrive.

I’m energized and excited to see you. I adjust my circadian rhythm to yours almost immediately and each morning that I am with you, I wake up early to explore.

Uninhibited, I seize the day as if it were my first and last. You have such a profound effect on me that you make me feel like the shapeshifter goddess; Athena.

I morph into a sociologist who is conducting qualitative research; I sit in a café and observe your people. An art critic examining the soul-manipulating pieces of art that hang in your galleries. An archeologist that studies the delicate details of your unearthed treasures. A conductor commanding the chatter and the sounds of your city.

Whenever I can, I touch you. In you, I am immersed.

In the quiet of the evening, I attempt to journal the day’s events, but the words turn into unfinished poetry. A subconscious act because I don’t want the love affair to end.

Our last days are near.

I sensed it when you asked me to meet you at the souvenir shop which I consider as one of Dante’s Nine Circles of Hell. I know this routine. I have done this before. As I slowly peer down at my list of “Please bring me back…”, I pick out the best magnets and shot glasses hell has to offer. Death feels like it looms.

Yearning to stay, I know I can’t. Not this time anyways. I rebelliously pack my bags with carelessness because a packing strategy no longer matters. Except I pack the bottles of wine and shot glasses with love because those are important. But that’s the only love I show because now my soul is becoming hard. Like a wrongfully accused prisoner who barely escapes death row, I am now bitter.

The flight home is delayed by hours because we struggle with letting each other go. The Delta staff hands me a crossword puzzle with a sympathetic smile to comfort me. They say they are “sorry”, but their English assaults my ears.

I arrive home even though I prayed the pilot would drink anti-gravity serum and we could fly forever. Or at least until I earned enough sky miles to fund my 401k of future travel. I’m slightly excited about breezing through customs with my global entry privilege, but overall my arrival home is anti-climactic.

My parakeet, that I don’t even have, barely recognizes me. I am different and it is seen on my tanned face and in the color of my vibrant Tibetan fisherman pants that I will never wear again and besides they don’t match anything in my “full of black” closet. And I wasn’t even in Tibet.

Everything is just the way I left it. Frankie’s ashes still in his little box even though I secretly wished he would have risen from the dead upon my return. The ability to use hot water when I want it. The flyers for 24-hour pizza delivery service and even the full-size refrigerator. All still there. Even the towels that I threw on my bed after a hurried shower. A reminder of those early days of our relationship where the only thing that mattered was being with you.

The first few days back home, I try to recreate you. I go to restaurants to smell and taste you, but it’s not the same. I frame my receipts from our dinners together along with the Metro tickets and labels off your favorite beer bottle.

I invite friends and ask them to leave their shoes in the foyer, because my culture has changed to yours. We play a game of Charades where every guess I blurt out is in your language, I have suddenly become fluent. I try to share stories but they just want to sip the wine and fumble with the magnets I brought them.

I post “more than enough” of pictures that are proof that you existed, that we existed. I only get a few likes and maybe a “So glad you made it back!” comment from mom. Friends and family have semi-acknowledged my return yet, showed their amazing support while I was gone.

Girls Gone Abroad - Love at First Flight — Girls Gone Abroad – Love at First Flight

No one understands the pain I am in. I tattoo a symbol of us on my wrist. As therapy for my post travel depression, I blog. My unfinished poetry is slowly forming stories that help me soothe the pain of our break up.

While I allow my pain to flow from heart to keyboard, I see it. A little, flashing, attractive blurb somewhere in the right side of my screen…it peeks my interest and my heart rate.

Butterflies form in my the upper most part of my belly at the temptation of a rebound. I click.

And so it re-begins. Love. At first flight.

Top 4 of My Favorite “Dumb American” Language Blunders

A polyglot, I am not.

I’ve definitely been exposed to various languages, including the kind that my Grandmother would tell me NOT to use in her presence. Whatever the f*&$ that meant…I dunno. I have definitely not mastered any yet and have made many language blunders.

My fascination with foreign languages started early in life when my brain was in a much more malleable state than present day.

Living in California at a young age, I learned Spanish quickly through semi-immersion meaning every Wednesday, Ms. Luna would visit my class and translate what my teacher was saying. He only spoke Spanish and getting a B in class was not acceptable whether I was being taught in my native language or not.

Later when I thought I was the shit at speaking Spanish, I was placing post-it notes of Spanish words all over household objects to help teach my grandmother the difference between “la sal” and “el sol”.

Then came French.

While spending a summer in Phoenix, my Uncle Steve had picked me up from my grandparents’ home (where the post-it notes were everywhere including the “piso”) to bring me along for a ride to go pick up an olive tree from an elderly lady’s home.
While I waited for him to load up the tree into his truck, I sat with this lovely lady in her small, dusty room that had floor to ceiling bookshelves jammed with all kinds of books shoved in at various angles just so they could fit. I am pretty sure that her wobbly end table was supported by a stack of books.

We didn’t say much for a while. Through the yellowish film on the window, I could see blur of my Uncle Steve struggle with the olive tree while fidgeting with his face mask. He’s allergic to olive trees.

“You can pick any book you would like as long as you promise to read it.”

Do I hear a challenge in the old woman’s voice?

Suddenly, the books seem to have tripled in quantity and began to hover over me.

Bellowing in deep baritones, I hear…. “PICK MEEEEEeeeeeeee….”.

You know this didn’t really happen, but in a kid’s mind if someone tells you that you can have something; a gift, it’s like – suddenly….so overwhelming that everything suddenly appears to be massive and weird shit happens.

So there goes my little nerdy-ass 9-year-old finger…. tracing along the books, leaving a clean, dustless trail until it finally rested on one.

Pluck.

Falling towards me was some more dust and a book that had a faded yellow cover that sort of matched the film on the window.

“Lex Jeux Sont Faits” by Jean-Paul Satre written in a bold, black letters like an important headline.

Girls Gone Abroad – Le Jeux Sont Faits

“I’ll take this one, please.”
She mumbled something, but not sure which language. I think I was too proud of my choice to notice what she said anyways.

Yeah. I read it.
With the help of a French-English dictionary compliments of the local library, because back “then” we didn’t have keyboards readily available under our fingers.
It took me awhile, but I did it.
I’m not even sure I still have that old book, but from time to time, I wonder what ever happened to the old lady and her books.
Years later, Uncle Freddie brings me a stash of things that someone was giving away and among the bounty of gifts was a German language learning book.
No, I didn’t read that one entirely, but I did learn that nouns are capitalized and I know what a der Ofen is.
Reading Leo Tolstoy’s War and Peace was much more enjoyable than trying to learn German.

No offense, but French was less of an assault to my ears.
I went on to study French, Spanish and Italian.
And now Portuguese since I will soon have a Brazilian Son-in-Law and I want to know all the bad things he says about me. I dabble with Arabic.
A polyglot I certainly am not, but knowing enough of those languages has earned me the title of the “linguistics one” from the Girls Gone Abroad team.
However, earning such a title does come at a cost of embarrassing language blunders. Allow me to share.

Here are my top 4 favorite dumb American language blunders:

Girls Gone Abroad - Francobolli — Girls Gone Abroad – Francobolli

1. Francobolli vs Franco Belli , Rome, Italy

Confidently walking into a store, I asked a man, “Hai Franco Belli?”. He moves his glasses down his nose to “eye” scold me.

Yep. That look.

Whatever book he was reading, (which I am pretty sure was not “Les Jeux Sont Faits”), he slammed shut and walked away from me.
I asked if he had beautiful French (or Frank) when I meant to ask for stamps.

My grandfather did not get a postcard during this trip.

Girls Gone Abroad - Knives — Girls Gone Abroad – Knives

2. Cuchillos vs Llaves , Bogota, Colombia

Know the difference between these two. Including how to say “Peanuts”.

For whatever reason, I often confuse these two which is not a good thing when trying to tell a security guard that I have the keys to the apartment we are renting which should serve as proof that we are indeed authorized to enter the unit.

Security guards don’t really like knives as they don’t hold the llaves to their hearts, they can only cut them out.

Girls Gone Abroad - Line in London — Girls Gone Abroad – Line in London

3. Line vs Queue, London, UK
While in London. I arrived to the club where I was meeting a friend who was already inside.

“Hey, I am here! I’m out front! The line is really long!”

“Then cross it.”

Shoving my finger further into my right ear so I could hear her better through my left ear pressed against the phone, “Huh?”
“CROSS it!”

“I can’t! It’s LONG!”

A few moments later, my annoyed friend appears at the door of the club, asking me what the bloody hell is wrong with me that I can’t cross a line.
I swear I looked down at the ground and stared at it thinking…” What the f*&$!” (sorry, grandmother!)
You wait in a queue, not a line. How was I supposed to know this??

Girls Gone Abroad - Morto — Girls Gone Abroad – Morto

4. Marito vs Morto, Sicily

An Italian taxi cab driver insisted we were going to be married. I learned of my future all the way from Cefalu to Palermo.
I told him several times he was not going to be my dead.

When we arrived to Palermo, he cried.

Marito is much more romantic than morto.

You better believe that because of these mistakes and others I haven’t mentioned, I’ll never mess up those words again!

Now that I have told you four of mine, please share some of your language learning blunders so that I know that I am not alone.

Escúchame, ¿tiene la miseria? – and other misspeaks.

#1 Rule When Traveling – Learn a Few Key Phrases

Listen to me…even when I don’t speak your language.

There have been many times my eyes have glanced over a piece of paper with horizontal, faded blue lines which served as perches for various foreign words.
Foreign words strategically chosen and written very close to their English equivalent so there would be no confusion as to which word belonged with which because in a time of desperate moments, you wouldn’t want to make a mistake. (Hint: There have been desperate moments – but I will save that blog post for later.)
Sometimes, if I were lucky, Michelle would even provide the phonetic pronunciation and I would be given a brief tutorial.

Survival words. “Please?” “Thank You.” “How much for this cocktail?”
The paper, once bright and white, would soon become soft and fuzzy by the many folds and unfolds that it would be forced to experience during the course of a trip.
Sometimes even when a word is mastered, we still pull out the paper while speaking. Kinda like a gesture to ask for forgiveness and a little mercy for tearing up their language.
And yes, the medium is paper because paper will always be available when wi-fi is not.
Michelle showed me the first magical piece of paper in 2007 when we went to Greece. Since then, she’s done this for every trip, well…except for Morocco and Bogota.
We wrongly believed that Moroccans only spoke Arabic and there was NO way we were going to attempt Arabic with or without a cheat sheet. Maybe tip #2 should be to conduct research prior to your trip.

Michelle didn’t write out a list for our trip to Colombia either. Quite possibly because they speak Spanish in Bogota and most Americans know a handful of Spanish phrases.
And we knew a handful of phrases and managed to get by, but it is always just that one word, letter or pronunciation that can make the biggest difference.

For example:
While sitting at Moulin Bleu enjoying a very generous cocktail happy hour, Michelle asks the bartenders, “Excuse me, do you have any peanuts?”
After a slight pause, the bartenders exchange looks and burst out laughing. Even the fellow bar patrons contributed to the jovial moment. Alicia and I just figured that there must be a peanut shortage and how dare someone ask!?

Michelle hands over her phone pointing to the little screen. More laughter. Her phone is returned to her with a correction.
Evidently, she demanded that the bartenders “listen to her” and asked if they had poverty (or misery).

“Escúchame, ¿tiene la miseria?”

Mystery solved.

Google translates “peanuts” to “miseria” and only Michelle can explain how she got “Escúchame”.
While we didn’t get peanuts, we did get a little plate full of snacks, enough laughter to give our abs a workout, and a memory that could never be bought.
The rule was and always will be that when traveling to a foreign country, don’t be that dumbass American that can’t at least say “please” and “thank you”.
But DO be that American that at least makes an attempt even if you are asking a waitress if they have poverty, telling the security guard you have knives, or ensuring your Uber driver goes forward and not left.

However, careful planning and paper is recommended.